Questions, Venting and Stress

I have been trying really hard to keep my blog positive but I have had so many things going through my mind lately that I need to express them somewhere. So if you don't want to read about the realities of life you may want to skip this entry.

I am so stressed about the kids in the mornings before school. Our babysitter has recently moved and I haven't had time to even look for a new one nor do I know if that is the best thing anyway. The kids are now 10 and 8 and have proven themselves to be fairly responsible. Do I trust them to get themselves to the bus on time? Will they be safe walking by themselves? Brook's bus comes almost a half hour before J-Bear's. Is he OK to get out the door on time to make it to the bus? What happens if one or both of them misses the bus? Who do I have as an emergency contact? Do I get them cell phones so they can both call if there is a problem?

I got a letter from Revenue Canada last month. I have been randomly audited for my child care expenses. Apparently I have misfiled them. So I am having to redo that part of my taxes and wait for my statement to tell me how much I have to pay back. What if they audit me for the last 7 years because I did this wrong? Will I have to pay back thousands of dollars? Will I go to jail for tax fraud? How sticky are they?

As you have read over the last few entries, my close friend, babysitter, back up for the kids has moved. I obviously am struggling with this. I know I need to just get over it and it is what it is but if I have one more person tell me that I should be happy because she is going to be family- I am going to SCREAM. I don't visit my family lots so that is not a plus!

Family- where to start! I don't want to say too much at the risk on offending anyone, but I am going to vent a bit. We have such opposite extremes on our family. We have people who don't even acknowledge you when you are in the room and people who are so involved its frustrating. I think the thing that is getting harder is that my kids are of an age where they "see" things around them. Questions like :Why doesn't so and so come over to our house? Why doesn't so and so want to spend time with us? How come we never get to sleep at so and so's house? How do you answer questions that you don't fully understand? Children see things so black and white and its hard to explain the grey. It still hurts none the less.

Money- We are hurting right now. I know, I know who isn't. With back to school supplies and clothes and with actually taking some summer holidays this year, we are hurting. So I don't think it is my responsibility to have to worry about taking care of anyone other than those who solely depend on me at the moment. Regan and I both work full time- not because we want to, but because we have to. It was never in the plan for us to have me work this long. Yes I would love to be able to be a stay at home mom but we live in the city and big places come with big expenses. Yes we have two incomes but we also have 4 people to take care of. How much am I going to have to pay back to the government? Maybe jail isn't that bad of an option!?!

Work- Regan is an electrician and there is a recession. It is scary. If he takes a day off will that be the last day? It is that touchy at work right now. I am fortunate to have been at the same office for almost 10 years. I have a good job and have good co-workers. But even in the best of situations you can have your off days. I have been very sensitive to little comments made here and there lately. It makes it tough, especially in light of the whole childcare thing. However the whole money thing keeps me here. Although I have been entertaining the idea of something closer to home or to the school so I can be near the kids if there was a problem.



Tomorrow will be a much happier post. I promise!