Well last night was one of those fun nights. As we were about to say family prayer my daughter asked who was going to watch them when Deb moves away. I explained I wasn't sure and that maybe they would be on their own in the mornings. That was met with a very sad reaction and led to more questions when I was tucking her in.
Mommy why do you have to work?
Why are my friends all moving away?
Why can't we move?
Why do we live in the city when you don't want to?
Are you happy living in the city?
Is there something wrong with me that I feel so sad that you have to work?
Can I get a job like you did as a kid, so you don't have to work?
Would you like me to take on more of your chores so you can have more time with us?
Tough questions. Some that really hurt every fibre of my being. I wish I didn't have to work. I wish I didn't live in the city. I wish I could be the one who is home to wake my babies in the morning and the one who meets them at the bus when they come home from school. I love being married, Regan is a wonderful husband and father, but he is not willing to even entertain the idea of moving. If we did move than I wouldn't have to work and I could be home with the kids before it is too late. I don't want to have feelings of resentment but they seem to be creepy up slowly.
How do you find the balance in all things?
I have decided that balance is just an illusion. There really is no such thing. There is only choices and consequences and attitudes and sacrifices.
ReplyDeleteCome visit, we talk it all out!!!! lol!
:(
ReplyDeleteI'm sad too.
I'm sad that I feel like MY choices are the reason's BB is sad.
And I want you to move closer to me again.
I need you
Amanda: I just feel like its only me and the kids sacraficing though. I need to just get those thoughts out of my head :(
ReplyDeleteDebbi: It's not completely your fault. lol